Manifestation and Positivity

I'd mentioned in previous posts that there were big changes on the horizon. Funny sometimes how the universe works...we were focusing all our energy on finding a new job for Charlie, pursuing many different angles. I would go to bed each night just thinking over and over how a new job would change our family. How we just needed a new job to get us over this hump. The universe delivered, but of course in a different way than we expected.

The universe delivered a new job -- but for ME. I'm now working full time on alternating weeks from Charlie for Nicki's Diapers/Planet Wise. I'm currently doing some web content work, with some online retail stuff thrown in. It sounds like my job will evolve and change over the next few months as projects go through to completion, but I'm incredibly excited about this opportunity. I absolutely love the company, and the fact that they are so flexible and willing to work around my family schedule. I'm even able to work from home on the weeks that Charlie works, so that our kids never have to go to daycare. The company is very much growing and on a great upswing, and I'm so excited to get involved more heavily on the 'ground floor' so to speak.

I'm LOVING the feeling of accomplishment and self-worth that getting back out into the work force is bringing me. I had always been working, but it was so part-time and sporadic that it just didn't give me the fulfillment I was seeking. I feel important again. Like I'm contributing to our family. That means so much.

The only downside is that I'm busy -- all the time. The bikes have been hung up for the winter (we still haven't gotten a trainer) and my mandolin has been quite lonely. I often feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends, but it's almost invigorating as well as exhausting.

The kids are doing well. Jack has good days and bad days. His therapists (bless them) are amazing and really stick with it even when he isn't responding or engaging. Donnie is really developing into a precocious, smart little guy. He's absolutely adorable. However I'm constantly paranoid, scrutinizing everything he does. He's stacking blocks, I'm worried that it's a symptom of autism. He's telling me his toys have to go in THIS bin, and I'm worried that it's a symptom of autism. I have to constantly remind myself that he's two. Many of these things are normal two year old behaviors...but I'm still on edge. I think it'll take a few years until I'm sure that he's OK.

It's getting colder...

I've been riding every chance I get. Commuting to and from work by bike has been amazing. Each trip is either 10 miles (to Monroe Street and back) or about 22 miles (to Mineral Point Rd and back). I've been feeling great and really enjoying my time on the road.

Charlie had been commuting pretty much every night as well. One night a few weeks ago now, he crashed. Flipped the bike and landed on his face, fracturing three bones. He didn't need surgery, but it'll still be awhile before he's 100% and able to bike again. The risk of re-injury is too high. I feel sad for him and a little guilty each time I head out, as I know he is itching to be physically active. I'm hoping that we'll be able to obtain a trainer for our bikes to ride indoors this winter. It's getting colder now, and I don't know how much good outdoor riding we have left...

More changes

I managed to find an amazing bike on Craigslist. I manifested and the universe delivered. I've gotten to do two 8-10 mile solo rides on her (yes, she's a 'her' and her name is Trixie) along with a very fun 25 mile ride with Charlie. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't as "good" at cycling as I had thought. The hills of Dane County are a lot different than the flat lakeshores of Door County. All the same, I keep wanting to carve time out to take a ride. Charlie helped me outfit Trixie with all the accessories I needed, and I was able to thrift or find sale items for some of them, too.

I found some quiet time to play the mandolin this week, too. I'm a little erratic at it -- I keep thinking up other songs I want to learn, so I search for chords, pluck away a bit, then think of a different song, rinse repeat. I'm not really learning much, but it's relaxing and I enjoy it and that's what matters right now.

There are some big, big changes on the wind right now for our little family. Nothing is certain, and that's both exciting and infuriating. I have very little to no control over which direction our lives will ultimately take, and that's very difficult for me to stomach. Being so dependent on Charlie for what happens in our lives is hard for me, but it's just the nature of our family. If things happen the way we'd like, it would be simply incredible. The good news is that we should know more within a week or two. Things could get a little crazy.

New journey, new blog

I'm starting a new stage in my life. A stage where the kids are starting to get older -- starting to develop into independent little beings. They just don't need me as much. I love when they come to me for cuddles or comfort, but no more do I fulfill their every need. That leaves me with much more freedom of self than I've had for the past 5 or so years. I don't have to plan around feeding schedules, and even naps are soon most likely going to end. Jack is in school now (half days, anyway) and Donnie is happy with his daddy or a babysitter when necessary. I get to go to work. I get to craft. To cook. To pursue hobbies. And so I found both the mandolin and cycling.

Mandolin is fuel for my soul. Music is so deeply entwined with my very fiber, that I just love sitting for long periods of time and playing. I am not good. But I can play a few songs and it's enough to give me some of the zen, peaceful calm that only music brings me. It fills my cup.

Cycling is on the other end of the spectrum, but I am still falling more and more in love with it each day. Finally I've found an exercise that energizes instead of hurts. I am shopping for my first road bike and am so excited to get one. I am looking forward to biking in races and along with my husband. I really enjoy the exhilaration that the open road and my own physical power brings.

There is so much change happening in my home life right now that I need something to focus on now and then, just to take my mind away from the chaos. To center and calm. To cleanse. Music and cycling are where I'm gravitating towards, and I am full of happy anticipation to see where my new pursuits will take me.